Listen, none of us want to think about our parents and their intimacy issues. However, Tom Junod decided to write a whole book about it called In the Days of My Youth I Was Told What It Means to Be a Man. It is almost every adjective you would expect. Parts are uncomfortable, enraging, awkward, depressing, and very disheartening. It is also cathartic, inspiring, and excellent overall. I don’t know what Junod’s family thinks about it, but I loved this book.
I should note off the bat that the first part of the book starts off in a sort of dreamlike haze as Junod’s reliving his earliest memories from his childhood. It is discombobulating. There is also plenty of foreshadowing for some reveals that are barely surprising at all and others which drift into “WTF” territory. I don’t want to give anything away, but on the surface, this book is about Junod’s philandering father. Under the surface, it’s about generational trauma, nature and nurture, and the devastating cost of silence.
Junod’s writing is not straightforward or linear, and it’s very much in service of the story. A linear narrative would lose a lot of its punch. Instead, the reader feels just as pushed and pulled as Junod is as he tries to unravel how he is supposed to feel about his father. He loves him, but he also hates him. Or maybe he just hates what he did and how he chose to consistently put his darker desires before anyone else.
Ah, I really want to dive into so many different aspects of this book, but I won’t. You deserve to learn it all as I did. However, the fact I want to discuss it in detail is probably the best way to tell you just how great this book is. It will challenge you, and it will demand to never be put down. I certainly didn’t.
(This book was provided as a review copy by Doubleday Books.)
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