On the eve of 2020, I wanted to put up a personal post recapping my own history this year. It can be hard to summarize a whole year of someone’s life. Luckily, I have been thinking about it for a while and I think I can do it.
2019, you sucked.
That may seem harsh as I did have many good things which happened to me. I’ll get to those. But first, let me wallow please.
The year started with the loss of one of my friends. He took his own life and it was a painful shock to many of us who knew him. He was in the military with me and really woke me up to just how much was going on around me. When you open your eyes to something you never took seriously then you find yourself feeling like a complete fool. I noticed many of my friends were in tremendous pain and dealing with serious complications from our time at war. In an effort to better understand and process all of this, I finally went to a therapist.
Turns out, I am one of those people dealing with PTSD. I went to a therapist to better understand what the people around me were going through and ended up joining the club instead. Turns out, I was already in it.
Next, I won’t be adding many details to this one, but we lost a family member entirely too soon. It was another shock and one none of us will be getting over anytime soon. If at all. No, probably not at all.
Then, my marriage fell apart. Nothing drags you out of a stupor faster than watching your entire life be thrown into disarray. It’s very funny how divorce can be so prevalent and yet you never think you are ever in any danger of becoming another one of the numbers. Look, I joined yet another club I had no intention of joining!
All that being said, there was also amazing highs to balance the lows. My family and friends are more than I could ever ask for. A little website called History Nerds United started this year (and analytics say that more than just my mother actually comes here!). Now, I’ve interviewed honest to God authors who treated me with more kindness and patience than I could have expected and have others planned. Dealing with my PTSD is challenging at times but I’m fighting my PTSD and winning. And finally, I’m realizing I need to challenge myself more and I’m excited to find some new adventures.
2019, you tried to break me. You failed. Let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Happy 2020, Nerds!